I have recently been reflecting on among other things, the philosophies (for lack of a better term) that I have acquired or that have become a part of my personal beliefs about and approach to helping and providing services in a human service/mental health setting. I would like to as time goes by expound on each of these and develop some writing around these ideas. I am open to adding to them of course. Since I began my work in the Human Services field in the 1980’s, I have worked for 8 employers in the field and have been self-employed once. From each experience, I have grown tremendously and in a few of these settings I have had relationships that have profoundly affected my thoughts and ideas and have shaped my beliefs that I now hold in my 40’s. I am sure that these thoughts will continue to change, but this is where I am today:

-Constructive Criticism: No such thing.
Criticism in any form creates anxiety and when we are anxious, learning is impossible.
-Transference & counter-transference.
The idea that these can be eliminated from a helping relationship is utterly false and any one who thinks any differently is lying to themselves.
-Blaming
Gives away the blamer’s power and bestows it on the blamee. We only have power to change something if we take ownership or blame for that “something.”
-Bluffing
In a therapeutic relationship, bluffing is always detected.
-Belief that we can know others is erroneous
No human has the capacity in him/her self to know the thoughts of others, no matter how well we are acquainted.
-Life is the business of heart not intellect
We cannot live life in our heads, we must be who we are. This does not mean we cannot change our natures or who we are with the Lord’s help, but we must come to accept our own metaphorical and sometimes literal genealogy BEFORE we can make any difference in our lives. We must operate through our hearts, not our minds.
-I (and everyone) am the center of the universe
We are human creatures and as such we see life through a lens. We cannot see it through another person’s lens, we only see through our own. We can ask others what they see, but we cannot see what they see. We are each the center of our own universe and the world does revolve around each of us.
-Dancer will survive the plumber
Our ability to experience life and grow through each experience, to take it as it comes if you will, will produce a healthier life than a static one perspective approach. Life is the constant and we are the variable not the other way around.
-Control vs. Tolerance
The idea that we can exercise control or dominion is a fallacy. In the helping professions especially we must meet people where they are, we must encourage not direct. We must support not judge (unless you are called to that position). We must be tolerant and not controlling. Through Socratic questioning we can affect others to change themselves, but telling people what to do never changed anyone. Think about Saul (Paul). The Lord asked him a question (“why persecutest thou me?”) and stated some facts (“It is hard to kick against the pricks.”) He did not command him to stop, he invited him to think about his life and change sides.
-Doing for vs. doing with
The whole teaching a man to fish thing - We do not learn by being given only by doing.